Secrets of a Sword Lost in the Sands of Time

I don't normally do reviews, but I've found a book so amazing that I simply must write about it.

'Secrets of a Sword Lost in the Sands of Time is so completly amazing that no words could do it justice, so I'll make some new ones up just to describe it.

It is, without a doubt, the most karflink piece of jarrbajab I have ever read! You don't just read this book, you live it. In fact, you uber-live it until it becomes so entirely engrossing that it consumes your entire life. And it does too, because it takes pretty much a lifetime to read. With 200,000 chapters, millions of characters and fifteen separate parallel universes, it can be hard to keep track of what's going on sometimes, except that the book is so fantabulistically written that every page explodes with explosiveness. Without wishing to ruin the entire book, I'd like to publish the last sentence of the ninety-ninth epilogue: "And she woke up, and realized that the secret of the sword wasn't lost in the sands of time, but in her heart."

Of course, this only wraps up the action in one of the parallel universes, so don't think I've ruined the whole book. There are so many pages that about half way through I found a suicide note from a publisher which said that he had given up all hope on life and finishing printing the book. However, several million pages and  four publishers later I had finished the book. And what an ending. 102 epilogues wrap up the action in all fifteen universes (including the controversial naked and cowboy universes) and by the time I had read all of those I still wanted more. Fortunately, there is an entire series planned and I personally can't wait for the second.

What, you may wonder was my favorite part of the book? Well, I liked the forty-two chapter given to explaining every possible detail about a sock which happened to be placed in the wrong draw in Queen Arimidariyarrimaderia's third-best bedroom. The section given to describing the war between the seventh and ninth universe because of the seven, eight, nine joke* was also a highlight. However, my overall favorite part was the beginning because I had the entire book to look forward to.

*seven ATE nine? Get it now?

Minecraft ICT Presentation

Fellow Homo Sapiens,

I'm writing this in HTML, so if it looks strange, blame Tim Berners-Lee or something.
I have to do a presentation about something I'm interested in for ICT homework.
I thought about doing it on Minecraft, but I thought that it would not be very interesting.
In case you were wondering, Minecraft looks like this:

Anyway, I then decided that instead of talking about the game Minecraft, I would talk about how it came to be made by one man, Marcus Persson (A.K.A. Notch), and how it became so popular.
For further information about Minecraft, take a look at some on these links, which I'll be using to make my presentation:

Notch's Blog
The most subscribed Minecraft Channel on Youtube
The company that developed Minecraft
Minecraft Wiki

Good night and good luck,

Paul Norris

P.S. Sorry if the links don't work, a Google search should find all the given information

The Birth of the Internet

Fellow mortals,

You may be wondering what you need the internet for (although, to be honest, this is unlikely) and of course the first thing that springs to your mind will be that you need the internet to view my blog. But have you ever considered how the internet came into being? Or, more specifically, how the first web browsers were created? If not, begone, urchin. If so, then read on...

It was Christmas Day, 1990. Earlier that month, a connection had been made between Britain and Continental Europe through the joining of the British and French ends of the Channel Tunnel. But Tim Berners-Lee, a 36-year-old Oxford physics graduate, was working on a different kind of connection. He and a Belgian called Robert Cailliau managed to form a connection between two computers over the internet. This led to the first commercially successful web browser, called Mosaic. There had been others before this, but Mosaic made everything far more usable by having a graphical interface.

Where would we be without the Channel Tunnel? Further away from the French, for one, and that can't be a bad thing. But where would we be without any web browsers? We'd be further away from the world, and that would be a step too far.

Good night and good luck,

Paul Norris

iPad 2

Fellow Revolutionaries,


The Apple iPad 2 is really rather good (although some one seems to think otherwise - http://fecund-musings.blogspot.com/2011/03/why-you-shouldnt-buy-ipad-2.html ) and seeing as I have recently purchased one, I decided to write a few answers to some frequently asked questions about the device.


 What is it?

The iPad 2 is a tablet computer, which means it has roughly the same capabilities as a laptop, but is smaller. In terms of what it can do, it has access to all the same apps as an iPhone, and without 3G acts rather like an iPod Touch (except it's five times bigger)

Do I really need one?

In short, no. There is nothing that you can do on an iPad that you can't do with an iPhone, a laptop and an eReader. The advantage of an iPad is that it puts all these functionalities in the same place, and if you count up the costs, is probably cheaper than buying gadgets with all these abilities separately. This is not to say that you should throw away your camera and laptop after you buy one, though, since they still can do some things that iPad can't, like flash photography or accessing websites with Java.

Shouldn't I wait for the next iPad?

No one's even sure that there's going to be another iPad. If one is announced, however, and it doesn't add much that's new, then I would go for the iPad 2, as it will be cheaper by then.

What about buying the old one?

The original iPad is heavier and bulkier than the new one, and it doesn't have a rear-facing camera. It is also significantly slower, although it really depends on how much you would use it. If the answer is a lot, then pay the extra hundred pounds and get an iPad 2.

So what can't it do?

As I mentioned before, the iPad cannot access websites using Java, or play games that use Java on the internet. Also, due to a legal dispute, it does not work with Flash, meaning that websites that use fancy graphics are inaccessible. The cameras on both sides only work in perfect lighting conditions, since they don't have a flash, and you'll be too afraid ever to use them outside for fear of damaging your iPad.

What's it best at?

The keyboard feels as natural to use as a normal keyboard in landscape mode, and with all the apps you can buy from the Apple App Store, you'll find trouble running out of things to do. The battery is also incredibly long-lasting, it can run without being charged for an entire day's use. A camera at the front allows you to use FaceTime, similar to Skype.

How much is it?

The cheapest version costs £399, that's with 16 gigabytes of hard drive and only Wi-Fi connectivity. More expensive versions have 32 and 64 gigabytes of memory, with optional 3G internet, allowing you to use the internet anywhere where you have a phone signal.


Good night and good luck,


Paul Norris

What the Mooshroom?

Fellow Compatriots,

I am writing to express utter amazement at the introduction of Mooshrooms into Minecraft in the upcoming 1.9 update. That and the villager model. They are unnecessary and downright weird respectively.

I know I said I wouldn't make short, pointless posts but I think that this is worth mentioning.

Good night and good luck,

Paul Norris

Introduction

Fellow countrymen,

In general I hate blogs, I just don't like the idea of blogging as such. It might just be because I'm rather old-fashioned, after all, I don't even trust lifts, so how can Google expect me to put complete faith in something so ridiculously new and exciting as a blog?

However, I have been at least partially won over and though I still don't believe Google follows its own rule ('don't be evil'), I am willing try out this newfangled technology. Anyway, here is a list of things I will and will not do with my blog:

1) I will not constantly update the blog with stupid, menial information about my daily life because no one cares, least of all me.

2) Today I went to the cinema.

3) I will try and make all my posts interesting to my target audience. The only problem with this is that I don't really have a target audience yet, because I don't have an audience at all, but I hope that will come in time.

4) I will not write in any language other than English, and will aim to avoid Americanisms because they have already gotten me into trouble with the grammar police (yes, they exist).

5) I will not write meaningless one sentence blog posts for no reason.

6) I will not sell out to advertisers.

7) TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY - IN CINEMAS NOW.

8) I will never, ever use excessive exclamation marks or 'text speak'!!!!! LOL, JKS

9) I will stop making lame jokes.

Good night and good luck,

Paul Norris.